Tag Archives | Major

Tag Archives | Major

life after loss | tubby babies make me happy

What a month!  Never in my life have I experienced the depths of life that loss has shown me this past month.  I am exhausted, and so ready to put it behind me and learn and grow, and gain perspective over pain.  I am looking ahead with a heart broken open, eyes that see deeper, love that extends more fully.  Again, the mantra that gets me through my hardest hours have been, “I am not afraid, I was born to do this,”  With the good Lord on my side, I will be held steady.  I will be given what I need in my time of suffering, my worst days will be sanctified.  

I have appreciated every bit of advice I’ve been given on how to get through this debilitating grief.  One dear family friend of mine (@myfriendmesha on instagram) mentioned “hand therapy”, where you work with your hands on anything.  Gardening, baking, art.. whatever it might be.  I have been making myself pull out my camera, just like I used to love to do.  Just simply taking photos of my children living our lives.  That has gotten away from me over the years, and it felt so good to get back in touch with my roots.

I have noticed as a wonderfully tender mercy that though my heart is broken and my world seems to be crumbling, it is also full of life, and light, and promise.  My life is good, and happy, and fulfilling.  It will heal me as I lean into it fully, as I have been called to do.  Nothing reminded me of this more than having my babies in the tub the other morning.  I got out my camera and remembered again, that life is happy.  My heart is right here at home with my little ones, and this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Anyone around here long enough to remember THIS or THIS post?  It’s like having the same babes twice! :D

Praying that May blossoms into beautiful things in your lives.  Mine too!

xoxo

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Major | My baby is two!

Oh my word, by the time you are reading this, my baby will be two whole years old.
Everyday Major has been in my life, he truly has been my little “sun-shine”.
Major has loved his mama so well, and is now loving me through some of my harder days.
He, without a doubt, has picked up on the need to give me some extra love these past few weeks.
Major is such a smart boy.  I had anticipated a boy learning differently than my girls have, and in some ways that’s been true, but he really keeps up with them!
He knows his ABC’s, twinkle-twinkle, you are my sunshine, popcorn popping.
He is a good little singer, he loves to sing, and he honestly started talking that way.
As we would sing together, and he’d sing along, he just started being able to talk the more he’d sing.
He talks like such a growly old man, which is the best thing ever.  You can hardly understand, but there are words there. :D
Major has definitely become attached to one blanket, lovingly referred to as “boos” around the Miller Manor.  Even though he only has one, he calls it his “boosssss” always with a drawn-out, lispy “s”. That’s 4/4 blanky babes!
He definitely loves his ba-ba or “jink” as he calls it.  I know it’s time to switch to sippies, but this kid just may be my last babe so I am going to saaaaaavor him and ignore any sideways glances I get over it. :P He drinks out of sippies or regular cups, but prefers a bottle for bed and in the morning.


Maj is such a precious, sweet, tender, loving boy.  He lives with four ladies who ADORE him.  Genuinely just die for him on the daily.
We are always talking about how we cannot get enough of this baby man of ours, so Heaven guide him to be humble, because he surely will not be getting that at home.
But you can’t blame us, he is so happy to see any single one of us, no matter if it’s just been five minutes we’ve been out of the room.
He hands us out kisses on demand, never leaving one of us out.
He has us all knowing we are his favorite… and honestly I don’t know who it is.. He likes us all so much.
And just when we think he’s just a ladies man, he’s out pallin’ around with Mr. Miller which just makes our hearts burst all the more.  We can’t.  I can’t..
Major is an instinctive little man cub, in that he is basically a wild animal… he loves every single thing our dog Finn loves.  They browse around outside, dig up things they’re not supposed to, mosey around with each other, pick up scraps to eat off the floor of the kitchen.  They eat around the same time, poop around the same time.  They beg for long walks around the neighborhood, and always want to climb into my lap.  We call them the twins (they are just a couple weeks apart!) because they act just alike.
A boy and his dog really is just a thing.
Major is one of my pickier eaters, but he does love yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast, loves the staples like “mac-and-pony”, quesadillas from cafe rio, and peanut butter sandwiches.  His faaaavorite treat is a spoonful of peanut butter and often brings me a spoon begging for some. :)
Sometimes I wonder if he gets enough to eat, because I swear he hardly touches the food I put in front of him, but each week it seems he’s grown another couple inches and another few pounds.
Keeping him in shoes and clothes is a part time job in and of itself.
He is wearing a size 6 diaper, size 8 shoe, 3T clothes.
He definitely weighs more than Grae, which is perfect for her because she makes him push her around in strollers, bikes, etc. and he’s just happy to be her muscle!
Major is sweet, and happy, and easy-going.
He is fun, and silly, and just enough wild.
He is snugly, and tender, and makes our heart burst when he flashes us those big brown eyes, and that million dollar grin.
We needed this baby boy like the earth needs the sun, and I am so glad he’s ours forever and ever.
I am a lucky mama to call you mine, Major my boy.
Don’t you ever forget how loved you are.
Happy birthday my baby, I am so happy to be the one to watch you grow up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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a word from the mother

I am finding myself in a whole new season lately.
I have FOUR children, a whole family all of my own.  My dreams came true, and it’s surreal to be living it.
I have passed many of the infant/baby stages with no real promise of more coming our way, so that is also really different for us.

Major, my baby, is gaining serious momentum toward full-blown toddler hood.
I don’t think it’s any secret that having a boy changed my heart (some may say it grew 3 sizes that day), but mercy me, I see very clearly why God sent me 3 little girls ahead of him.
This boy of mine is busy, busy, busy, busy.  I am turning around to clean one mess up, and he’s on the top shelf of something else.  I get him down and he’s running off to find the next bit of mischief he can find.  He is into my cupboards, drawers, pantry, baskets, bathrooms, any pile of anything.  I am on my toes and busy literally chasing him most of the day, besides his glorious glorious nap time – bless my heart.
He snuggles me, he adores me, he lights up when I walk into a room.  He will hang on the couch with me forever, never fights me (except when I’m changing his diaper!), and keeps me and his sisters swooning our days away.  I get it, guys.  Baby men.. nothing quite like ’em. He is talking more all the time, and is 100% boy in every single way.  His pudgy little feet stomp around, constantly snacking on something, car in one hand, ball in the other.  He loves me to sing to him and sings along with me to ‘twinkle-twinkle’, ‘you are my sunshine’, and giggles when I begin his night time lullabye.
Even if he does refuse to stay my forever-infant, I am still just as head over heels in love with that son of mine.

HOWEVER, don’t let that get you mistaken.  My girls are the girls of my dreams.

Harlo is just effortlessly cool (I felt her distinctly pass me up at age 8), she is stunningly beautiful and doesn’t even realize it.  She is tender and kind and gentle and good.  She is getting so mature and I’m loving this new layer to our relationship.  We often stay up way too late chatting in her bed, she’s my right hand planner, and she’s in charge of all the organization in our home and doesn’t get annoyed with me yet.  I love her! Harlo is also made up exactly like her father, and (almost) nothing  like me, so she keeps me busy working on how I communicate with her, paying close attention to whether she gets enough love from me, worrying over our relationship because of our differences, and appreciating so much how much she’s opened my soul and changed me, and how I look at people, forever and ever amen.
Because of our differences though, we find this deep understanding with one another.  I can clearly see when she’s at her limit, and she can see when I’m at mine.  We have a certain respect for one another, and we help calm each other rather than rise tension with one another.   We seem to balance each other.  She more than anyone else I can see the reason she came to my life.  Because she is the only one who could have changed everything for me, and keeps changing everything for me.  My love for this girl runs deep.

Stella is just the funnest.  Picture a skipping, twirling, giggling dress-wearing, baby doll-loving 7 year old, and you’ve got Stella.  Stella is the best server in the family.  She is always getting drinks or snacks for someone, assisting Harlo with this, or helping Grae with that.  She’ll keep Major entertained while I cook, and thinks up games for everyone to play.  We all often say “Stella’s the best!” because she’s always leveling up the love around here.  Stella marches to the beat of her own drum and is completely not bothered by what anyone else thinks – exactly what I adore in her father, I love this about her.  I find myself praying for protection over this about her.  I hope she always marches on and never bends to the pressure of the world.
Stella, like me in so so so many ways, is also like me in the sassy-mouthed, loud-mouthed, no-hard-time-expressing-her-feelings kind of way.  Because of this, she’s always the first one to stick up for one of her siblings against me, the one I’m reminding most to watch her mouth, and reigning her in from emotion-overload.  I cringe at myself inside when I have to get after Stella because I can feel the internal smirk of my parents.  Oh mercy.  When they said “I hope you get a daughter just like you!” (in both good and mad ways) I surely did in my Stella. :D It’s because of this though, that I don’t worry about our relationship (aside from her teen years! Bless.).  We speak the same love language and sort through things the same way.  I know this will be such a blessing for a life-long relationship, especially in her adult years.

Grae.. Oh man, what can be summed up about that girl?  She is finally moving on from ferocious toddler moodiness that started around age 1 and we’re hoping now that 4 is around the corner, we’re seeing the end of it.  She is communicating so well and beginning to understand how to cope through her rather complex emotions. :D The very unexpected surprise of Grae is how much of a lovey girl she is.  She is very affectionate, so snuggly, always telling me she loves me, or Major, or anyone else, out of the blue.  That girl can take you from 0-60 and back in absolutely no time.  With my older two I was like “They’re darling, but in order for them to develop properly, we mustn’t give in to every whim..” with Grae I’m like “So sue me, I give in to every single whim.”
Grae has me wearing out the pages of “the strong-willed child” in The Child Whisperer, and boy does that fit her to a T.  One tip that has been so helpful in that book has been to read “Let them do what they want to do with your set boundaries, because they’ll likely find a way to do it anyway.” Switching that idea in my head has made a world of peace between Gigi and I.  She is an excellent little artist at her age, and now I see those years with the sharpies all over my (damn) house were just her inner creativity yearning to come out!
Grae girl is a total tom-boy.  Obviously this is not anything she picked up at home with me and her two very girly sisters.  She just likes what she likes, and what she does like is blue and green and cars and reptiles and superheros.  She looks like a real-live tinkerbell and is usually dressed in a gecko costume. Ha!  She is the best thing on the planet.  Seriously.

My life is completely full as a mother and wife, and I’ve had to be intentional about shaving a bit of time for me and my passions.  That is soooo okay with me though.  These are the years.  The full and fleeting family years.  Even though it can sometimes feel consuming and overwhelming, these are the years I’ve dreamed of, and I am going to soak them in every last drop.

Some things that are necessary for my sanity:

monthly cleaning lady, writing (making a priority after months of slacking), weekly date nights, church on Sundays to refill my cup, late night chats with friends after kids are in bed, boundaries from the world and outside pressures, Maskcara makeup, and my happy planner.

 

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swinging

You wake from your nap, arms reaching for me as I walk through your door.

I lift up all 28 lbs of you and bury my face in the nape of your neck – the place I can always smell a bit of heaven.

I slip out the back door, you on my hip, completely content.

I sit on the swing, with you in my lap.

For the first time today, we have a quiet moment to ourselves.

The mild breeze from swinging sways your baby hair back and forth.

The weight of you head on my chest, your chubby legs fall on my lap.

The contentment of a beautiful life washes over me, and I think over you as well.

These moments are brief, but their effects are long-lasting.

My arms and legs are getting tired, but I’d sway here with you forever if you let me.

I soak in as much of your baby-ness in this moment as I can.

In all my life I’ve never been as happy as I am in this season right now, and much of that is because of you.

We sway back and forth, just the rustling of the leaves to be heard.

Then, they spot us.

The door swings open, and the other three head out our way, squealing with delight that you’re awake.

They run to the swings, asking for a turn, squishing your legs, asking if we can have tacos for dinner.

Our quiet moment is over, back to real life.

But this real life of ours is good.

It is very, very good.

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