I had originally planned to write more in real-time about our experience with homeschool. I learned quickly though, how close it felt to my heart, and how vulnerable I felt as I shared. It’s delicate knowing which parts of my story to tell, the parts of mine which overlap with theirs.

We’ve made it over half way through the year, and we’ve been on a journey, for sure.

In the summer, we were just figuring all this stuff out. By fall, I felt in a world of my own. My friends settled into their public school routines, while my new homeschool friends were well into their own groups and schedules, leaving us with a lot of time together. (which I guess is the point, right?)

All was going well, but for me, I had a wave of depression that came on heavy and thick through the holidays, which made homeschooling seem like maybe I had chosen the wrong path. I realized we’d taken almost no time off yet, so we extended our holiday break and that was exactly what we needed. By the beginning of January, we were all feeling ready to get back to our school routine… myself included.

Sometime in the new year, this story really began to feel like ours. We found a better groove in January, as my depression started to lift. By February, we were learning and exploring all over Oahu, Hawaii as part of our schooling. I realized in this time, how rich the education my children have had this year has been. How much about life, and love, and each other they’ve learned.. not to mention the dozens of math lessons, spelling and grammar lessons, pages we’ve read, and pages we’ve written; together.

Throughout the last several months, we’ve all taken turns on loving homeschool, and doubting homeschool. Harlo started out as the most reluctant, and now is the most enthusiastic about school. Stella started strongest of all of us, but has missed the social scene of public school, which we’ve been trying to get creative with. I have struggled mostly with the balance of feeling really lead to this lifestyle, while also feeling really inadequate to the task.

I was unaware of how hard it would be to go against “normal” for a while, but now that I’m getting the hang of it, I honestly can’t imagine doing something different right now. On the nights I go to sleep with doubts, I wake up each morning with renewed commitment.

You can’t imagine how stepping off the “spinning wheel of life” has grown me and my perspective. No matter what next year looks like, or the one after that, I’ll have learned (we’ll ALL have learned) so much from this year of homeschooling. Some things aren’t about win/lose or pass/fail. Life is about more than that, and that more is what we’re experiencing this year.