I remember so vividly what my life looked like five years ago.
I was riding the emotional high of becoming a new mother. My days were mostly spent in bed nursing my newborn, or in the rocking chair in our tiny living room in front of the fire, nursing my newborn. In the afternoons, if I had showered and gotten dressed for the day, I would snuggle my baby up, load her into the back of our new-to-us camry and drive a few blocks down the road to drive through taco time for an iced cold pepsi, listening to klove on the way and trying diligently to stay connected to God and remember to thank him for each and every blessing I encountered in my day, which seemed an impossible task as there were so many.
Money was tight then as a newly married couple with a very new baby and adjusting to life with one unpredictable income. We had a very very small condo that we paid very little for, but still had hardly any money left after our monthly bills. We ate dinners that consisted of frozen burritos and ramen noodles, both what we could afford and what we knew how to cook. Our problems looked different then than they do now. We were taking life a day at a time but I had every single thing I needed and I was certain, 100% certain I had never been happier in my entire life. Every trial and struggle I had gone through in my 20 years of life that far had seemed to have all been worth it – ten fold.
The beauty and wonder of motherhood had completely blown my mind. At night I would often ponder my bewilderment to my husband. We would talk about how crazy it was that we were really parents. That we had created this tiny, perfect person. That no matter what happened, we would always be her parents.. the only two she would ever have. I remember wondering what our life would be like in 5 years. Would we have other kids? What would she look like then? What would she sound like? Would I ever get used to the magnitude of becoming a mother? Would we ever be able to afford a life outside of this condo? Would we ever own our own home? Back then, five years seemed so far away.
So much has changed in those five years, but still so much has stayed the same. I am not an ounce less happy than I was in those weeks following Harlo’s birth in the happiest days of my life. I waited for that euphoria to end, but the ending never came. I have gotten used to being a mother, I’ve gotten used to putting someones needs and wants always before my own, I’ve gotten used to expecting little to no sleep, I’ve gotten used to the demanding hours of motherhood and I’ve even gotten used to the expected fulfillment each day brings. But I’ve never gotten used to the wonder or the beauty of it all. I wake up every morning wondering if this is really my life, just like I did those years ago. I still lay in bed at night wondering what the next 5 years will look like, now knowing how they’re just right around the corner.
Our life has been incredibly blessed over the years, and in none of the ways we expected or even planned for. I guess that’s the thing about blessings though.
Wishing each of you a happy Monday and a chance to reflect back on the last 5 years to notice all the blessings that lead you where you are today.