“Being a family means you are a part of something wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what.”
I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a mother and a wife. I dreamed of what my life would someday look like, with a brood of children tugging at my apron strings and a darling husband at my side. Whenever I was asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” the answer was always simple. A mom.
Then, sometime in my teens I had a very large ovarian cyst that had to be surgically removed, and my right tube and ovary along with it because of the damage it had created inside my body. From then on, I was told things like “you may have a hard time having kids,” and “we’re not sure what this means for your future and possibly having children” And I was crushed.
While there was no yes or no answer to my questions about becoming a mother, and with really no one taking me too seriously at the age of 15, my thoughts of motherhood began to change. I thought of my life filled with travel, adventure, education, careers. I tried to think of what my life might be like if I could never have a baby of my own. What it would feel like to go through years of infertility because I just so desperately wanted to experience bearing a child. It was too much to take on. I decided to just try to enjoy the child-free life I had now and worry about it sometime later. Much, much later.
A few years later, try as I might to fight it, I met Mr. Miller. While I was still a wild and vivacious spirit seeking to find my place in this big ol’ world, he waltzed into my life like he owned the place.
Some months later, I had a dream. A dream like I’ve never had before. Where I was me and things were so real. I was making dinner in a quaint little kitchen, where my then boyfriend was now my husband walking into the door from work. He pulled me into his arms and contentment washed over me like I had never felt before. Two little girls twirled around my flowing skirt and my life was so sweet. I woke up startled, not quite being able to comprehend reality. I turned to see my love by my side and I knew. I knew that my dream was not just a dream, but a glimpse of what my life would be like and should be like with this man at my side.
From that day, I started daring again to hope to be a mom some day. To carry my babies in a big round belly and relish in all their sweetness after giving birth. I would imagine the little girls from my dream and desperately hope to get to meet them one day.
Five years later, I am living the life of my dream. I make dinners (and donuts) in a quaint little kitchen, my husband greets me at the door after a long day of work, and I have two little girls twirling around my flowing skirt, tugging at my apron strings. I have never been so content.
God is wonderful and he loves us so much.
Photos courtesy of Brooke Ashley Photography.
(thank you Brooke, for capturing my dream without even trying)