The months of March-December of last year were some of the darkest, hardest months of my life. I had slipped so far down the spiral of grief, that I felt as though I was dying.
After too many nights my husband held me on the bathroom floor, we decided we were going to do something to change our direction. Change the trajectory of our lives. Grief had weighed me down so heavy, it was impossible for me to dream, or see beyond my depression. But Mr. Miller reminded me of our little Hawaiian dream, and in December, in the heaviness of life, we booked our trip, and lit a match in my dark world.
As the weeks went by, the flame grew brighter. My hope for something better began to blaze.
I could tell you about how my parents couldn’t ever afford to take us to Hawaii, and how Mr. Miller hasn’t ever been either. We meant to go for our honeymoon, but decided to spend the money in a more realistic way instead (to fund our surprise pregnancy). We meant to go for some milestone anniversaries, but the funds weren’t ever there again. Then we decided we were done waiting for money to roll in, and we’d save up all our pennies instead. We dreamed of this trip we’d take as a gift to ourselves for our hard work. We envisioned this place as I labored with our children. We got each other through some hard times with the idea of the time we’d spend in Hawaii, and how it would be all worth it in the end.
Today I’m writing at home, and next week I’ll be writing from the sandy beaches of Oahu. Where we will spend our month exploring the life and history of one of the most beautiful places on earth. I never imagined this trip would land right in the time my soul needed the most healing, but it makes sense to me now.
We are doing the thing we’ve always wanted to do. And it’s just the beginning of the life we’ve always wanted to live.
We’re carving it out, my friends. And so can you.
Dream the life you want, and run toward it. Run through the darkness, through the winters, through the thickness of life.
Run until you’re living it.