I am totally a resolutions girl.  I love a clean slate, a fresh start, a blank canvas to create and make beautiful.  It’s one of my favorite things.

This year, though. Ha! Girl.. This year.. I am crawling out of 2018.  Barely off the ground.  Shaky legs, broken heart and all.

In 2018 my “present” was so painful, that I couldn’t muster the energy to dream past it.  The entire year went by, and all I could focus on was what was right in front of my face.  That which was pulling at my body.  That which was clouding up every space of my heart.  AND STILL, through the hardest months of my entire life, I learned so much about myself.  I learned so much when I was forced to look inside and begin repairing what had been broken.

During my natural labors, the single most encouraging thing my husband said to me, when I’d say “I can’t do it!” as the contractions threatened my strength, he would remind me, “You ARE doing it.”  He didn’t only say, “You CAN do it!”, reminding me of what was to come.  He said that I WAS ALREADY doing the hard thing.  He didn’t only remind me of the strength I had yet, but the strength I had NOW.

Last year I often cried to my husband about the heavy burden I was carrying, “I can’t do this.  Why would God ask me to do this?  I can’t.”

And do you know the single thing my husband told me that would have the most power? “You ARE doing it.” “You have already overcome so much. RIGHT NOW you are conquering hard things.  You are here standing. You ARE doing this.”

Sometimes we don’t need anything else, but the reminder of our own strength.  Pain makes us stronger, and I KNOW that God never wastes a single hurt we walk through.  He will ALWAYS use it for our good, and His glory.

Crawling into 2019, I may not have much by way of resolution.  But I am right here standing.  Stronger than I’ve ever been, because of the pain I’ve already survived.

I AM doing this.

My phrase for this 2019 year?

“I am.”