This year has been a trying year on my faith. I have felt myself having to re-learn and re-work what I’ve already learned and worked through. And I think in this time in my faith, nearly 10 years in now, I am really finding that we never have it solved. Faith is really a life work – constantly evolving and presenting new edges. Some parts of my testimony are at peace, and I’ll think “oooh! I got it now.” and then years later, I’ll find that knowledge being tested again and it’s almost as if I have to rediscover it before it can set back in, more firm than before.
As I walk through life, I find God showing me new parts of myself, as well as helping me dust off some parts I’ve put on the shelf years ago, like He’s doing for me now. “Remember this, Cass?” He’ll ask “I think we need to revisit this again.” and He holds me steady as I unwrap some bandages of wounds that hadn’t quite healed.
I have had a lot of hurt feelings this year, but like my favorite JJ Heller song lyrics say: “When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands.” These words have helped soothe the hurt, and helped me begin to heal. To become more whole.
My goal here is to become more whole-hearted. More loving, mostly to myself, but to all those around (which comes more natural for me than the former). More forgiving, more willing to share, serve, love. I want to continue to dive even deeper into faith, which brings me peace this world just can’t. I want to continue creating a happier, healthier life. Because a happy life isn’t just something you work to achieve, it’s something you work to keep. And my goodness, it’s worth it.