I have been in such a funk the last few weeks (months?). I’ve battled with depression quite a bit during this pregnancy. For me, pregnancy is a perfect storm of hormones, stressful times, and not feeling good to send me into a whirl of depression. I wrestle around with trying to really love and care for myself during this delicate time, while I’m frustrated to not be able to carry my full load as gracefully as I usually do. Any way you slice it, pregnancy isn’t an easy gig. And after months and months of not feeling myself, it really wears on me.
Last week after a frustrated night time prayer, I asked for help the next day to feel better and to be able to do my work load as a mother. I wanted desperately to snap out of this “funk” and get my hands busy doing the work I loved – if only my achy, tired body would allow. I slept
good decent that night and in the morning, I took a deep breath, tapped into all the energy and courage I could find, and got my hands busy. Grocery shopping and errands and meal planning and dinner for St. Patrick’s day hung heavy on my list, but I started knocking them out one by one.
By dinner time I was exhausted, and grateful that our traditional St. Patrick’s Day dinner is just bratwurst and sauerkraut (don’t ask me why, I don’t even think it’s irish), which is likely the easiest thing I could make. I had picked up some green drinks and green popsicles at the store. We sat around the dinner table to a meal I had prepared for the first time in too long, if you ask me. My hips ached and my feet hurt, and my ribs felt battered and bruised – but my heart was exceedingly full and my spirit felt light for the first time (in too long, if you ask me).
After dinner I surprised the girls with green popsicles and we sat out on our back porch devouring them. When it was time to go inside, Harlo wrapped her arms around my big belly and told me today was one of her favorite days. Normally I would ask her what was so special about it, but instead I just agreed. It was one of my favorite days too. ♥