I am in a phase of life right now that I can literally barely keep my head above water… if that water was a pool of darling little girls snuggled close to me in bed at all. hours. of. the. night. and a husband who’s self-starter business was on the rise and required much much more of his time than usual, and a new calling/venture into a completely new and exciting world of homeschooling, and a baby who is absolutely and undoubtedly spoiled rotten by her mama. If all that was in a big pool of deliciousness, I would be gasping for air right in the middle of it.
Every time I try to write about this side of motherhood – the no teeth brushed for 2 days, don’t even ask about my hair being washed, knee-deep laundry piles in the wash room, too-many-days-ago’s crumbs under my table – it sounds ungrateful and that is so so so opposite of what my heart feels, so it’s a hard thing to write about. However, it’s also a very lonely place to be – as grateful as you can be for said life, sometimes it’s just so dang much. This is where I am right now. I am not off on fun adventures of blog conferences and being invited to elaborate parties that I’m so busy to write about/promote on instagram. I am not so busy with my booming photography business that I can’t seem to sit down to post (I have officially taken the whole year off on account of a baby who will not be away from me for more than 20 minutes.) I am not planning elaborate pinterest parties or working out every day.. I am literally just surviving.
Right now a family of 5 is taking all of me. Every last drop. I am excelling in a lot, and failing in a lot, too. I’ve never really been in a position like this before. Hands-full, heart-full to maximum capacity – overflowing on both accounts. I have dropped more balls in the last few months than I have in my life, and on the flip side I have never felt more at peace with my life. It’s such a strange, almost bittersweet place to be. I have had to let go so much more than ever before. I have had to sacrifice a lot and I have been blessed in a way that is so apparent to me, more so than ever before.
Last week on Instagram, I read a sentence that said “Because sometimes survival is triumph.” and that is exactly where I am right now. Triumphantly surviving. Doing the very best I can. Loving the life I have, that is very literally bursting at the seams.
We have started the new year with a flu bug that has seemed to last 5 days each and has almost consumed every single member of my dear family. It has been an “Are you serious, God?” kind of week (two weeks? three? I’ve lost track.), but in this time that I’ve had sick in bed, late nights and early mornings with sick babies, I’ve really had time to reflect on both the struggles and triumphs of 2014. I’ve thought about some goals I wanted to set, and honestly, surviving is my goal for 2015. Beautifully, determinate, happily, persevering, intentionally surviving.
Because it’s true, sometimes survival is in fact triumph.
Ashley Flowers
its so refreshing to know we as mothers are not alone!! We all struggle with the same things! I love that goal, it’s perfect!! I wasn’t too hip on setting goals this year because I usually just let myself down every time so this goal couldn’t be more perfect!! Survival is key and I’m so blessed to know I have a father in Heaven that can help keep my work load bearable in those times I feel like it’s too much,
And for friends like you who I can relate to and know that I’m not alone!! Love you darling, I look up to you in so many ways!! I’m looking forward to a play date next week!!
Emilie
Cass NEVER be afraid to share your struggles, when we let other women know we’re drowning it’s helps every other drowning momma know she’s not alone. You are not alone. We welcomed baby #4 in September and life is finally getting a hair closer to “normal” but this stage of life is incredibly wonderful and incredibly consuming at the same time. It’s quite bittersweet, like the best things in life are; things that bring us joy and anguish and motherhood is certainly that 2 headed coin. Just breathe. Remember the days are long and the years are short, and if you’re not already familiar with with Glennon Doyle Melton from Momastery, run out and read everything she’s every written.right.this.second….and start with this http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/. Hugs momma!
Karynn
You have figured out something that is the very definition of priceless! Even though my kiddos are all at home still, I’m on the verge of that next step – only a year and a half until my oldest will leave the nest. I have never been more grateful for my choice to survive staying home. And it was barely most days! And at the same time I wish I hadn’t taken on so much sometimes, even though it’s been sporadic.
You are brilliant. Absolutely genius to cherish this time, challenges and all! We have the rest of our lives to build careers but just a few short precious years with these little ones. My countdown is already at 12 1/2 left. :(( that’s nothing!
Thanks for inspiring me and reaffirming my decision to ease up and spend as much time as possible with them before he leaves. I know I’ll be grateful later. Btw Your family is ridiculously beautiful!!
Ana Maria
You are so real and I love reading about your little family while figuring out this first-time mama business (to a treasure of a 7 month old boy).
I have crumbs under my table too. And I’ve felt guilty about it every day until now. Thank you!
Jules
Thanks for sharing yourself! Your girls really are so beautiful and the happiness in y’all’s eyes shows that you’re surviving beautifully. My youngest (of three) daughters is about 6 months older than yours and 2014 was all about survival. Some days I loved cuddling my girls all day long but some days I just wished they would happily play so I could have gotten things done. I’m finally getting back to “normal” but I’m also done with that beautiful baby phase. It really is bittersweet.
Candice
I absolutely love reading about your life and the life you’re living with your sweet family of five.
I too have three little girls and I am right there with you surviving. It’s hard to talk about the tough times because it does more often than not come off as ungrateful, but it’s a breath of fresh air to know that we are not alone in this motherhood journey. This wonderful, messy & chaotic journey. I love it, but so many days can be overwhelming. Keep your head up mama!! & keep sharing your journey with us! <3
Shaina Longstreet
So moved by this. Thank you for your words. You have such beauty, grace and light.
Leah
Love this so much!! I can definitely relate!! You’re doing beautifully, Momma!! xo
Lyndsay
You don’t sound ungrateful at all! Let go of that thought. 🙂 You sound honest. And it’s so refreshing to hear honesty on a the internet. I love your heart! Keep on swimming, Cass!!
Hailey Mabey
Just found your blog!!! This post is beautiful and your family is ADORABLE!!!
Laura Higbee
So beautifully written. Weird that I’m not the only mom in the world that has hard times with her dream life. Thanks for sharing. Love ya!