21 weeks! It seems crazy, but it really has gone by fast.
I was nervous about being pregnant in the winter because I loved being pregnant in the summer so much the second time around. I think I’m the only person who enjoys summer and pregnancy together, but you just can’t beat flowy sundresses every single day.
I have found the beauty in leggings though and plan to stay put in these babies until April, at least.
Being pregnant in the colder months definitely has it’s perks. Don’t want to get out of pajamas? Leggings are your answer. Arms feel a little chubby? Cover ’em up! Belly feeling huge? Throw a scarf on, sister.
Fall outfits are so much funner because of the layering aspect, so it’s easier to feel more put together in the fall and winter, in my opinion.
I have a feeling I wont be getting out of long t-shirts, cardigans, scarves, leggings and boots all winter.
Starting at about 19 weeks, I’ve been feeling really good. Rarely nauseous, no throwing up, only one migraine in the last few weeks.
I have definitely been the sickest with this pregnancy, but I think I somehow have appreciated this pregnancy even more than the others.
Being pregnant isn’t easy for me, but it really is one of my favorite things to experience. The side affects are really so small in comparison to what my body is accomplishing right now.
I can feel her moving every day and night and she now gets the hiccups that I can feel as well. (hiccups started at about 19 weeks)
Other people have a better chance now at feeling her little kicks and wiggles as they’re getting stronger and more predictable.
My obsession with birth has come fully to a head. I have spent the last week in bed watching birth documentaries. My sweet husband is such a champ listening to my birth statistics all day long.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my birth plan lately and I’m just getting so excited to birth this baby.
My deliveries have each shaped me differently and I’m looking forward to experiencing that again.
Not that I want to get into this so much, but for my own documentation, I’m jotting it down…
I switched OBGYN’s when I was pregnant with Stella, looking for a more personal experience than my first time around but not exactly sure what my options were. I quickly fell in love with the office staff and my new doctor who was totally on board with my plan for a natural, personal experience and was completely understanding if I chose home birth. He actually recommended my midwife to me.. the rest is history. I saw him a bit during the rest of my pregnancy and he gave me the happy go-ahead at 37ish weeks that I was in great condition and wished me all the best with my home birth. I also spent time in that office after I had Stella with my post partum depression, which I saw the PA in the office and had a great relationship with her as well. When I had my miscarriage, it was so nice to have the comfort of knowing an office staff while I was going through that loss. By this time, I was on a first name basis with 90% of the office.
In the last couple years, the office has made some changes in their practice which I didn’t think too much about, because I know I don’t deliver with them at the hospital. I really didn’t give a second thought as to how this might affect me. Until, the office manager called me personally to let me know that one of the changes they had made was that they no longer see patients who choose to birth at home or see a midwife. She made it clear that she couldn’t tell me I couldn’t have a home birth, but just that they would not see me if I was being seen by a midwife and was not planning to deliver at the hospital. She made a few inappropriate accusations about home birth and the care received by midwives and that was pretty much that. If I was having a midwife and/or a home birth, I couldn’t be see at the office anymore.
I didn’t really expect to feel very much over the conversation, other than a little annoyed at her clearly misinformation. But it really festered in me for a few days. I was upset about the rejection I think, especially after I felt like I had such a good relationship with the doctor and staff. I felt discriminated against. It just made me sad that there’s this complete disconnect between the two worlds. That there can’t be a middle ground. Choosing to do things a different way than the majority does it, even if you feel it’s the best way, isn’t always easy. I deal with a lot of judgement from friends and family and even doctors. ;) It’s a good lesson for me because I knew I was like that at one time. I was completely closed off to this world and something changed my heart and pointed me in the direction I needed to go. I am a better mom because I made this decision a few years ago to do something completely different than anyone I knew. Something scary and foreign, but something I truly believed was the best for my baby. I dealt with the backlash then and I’ll deal with it again. As mothers, we do hard things for our family. We have to trust our instincts and push through to the end.
This story actually has a good ending though, because just a few days after this phone call, I developed myself a mean UTI. I felt like it was bad enough that my herbs couldn’t turn it around and I was fresh out of doctors to use. I ended up calling my girl’s family doctor and he was actually out of town, but the on-call doctor was happy to get me right in. He was warm and welcoming and told me I could follow up with my midwife. He was also happy to see me if at any time I needed it during my pregnancy. Some of the girls in his office were even some of my blog readers, so it was fate! (hi girls!) It is a much better fit, as it turns out.
I know I talk about home birth a lot and how wonderful it is, but there’s definitely a side to it that’s tough, and this is part of it. The actual process is so beautiful and amazing, but getting there with so many eyes waiting for it to be a disaster is hard. With my first home birth, I didn’t talk about it at all, ever, during my pregnancy because I didn’t want to take on anyone’s negativity or judgement. Now that I’m on the other side, it’s important for me to speak up about it because who knows? Maybe you’re reading this and that will lead you to get informed about your choices in birth and you will experience something remarkable and life changing, just like I did.
One thing I know for sure, is that I’m already so in love with this baby. I lay in bed at night wondering what she will be like, how she’ll fit into our family, how her sisters will enjoy her so much. How lucky I am to be her mama. Already I would do anything for her, just like her sisters. And it’s this that’s so miraculous about pregnancy. It’s why I love it so much. As well as growing her tiny body within my body, it’s such a deep connection that’s indescribable. Motherhood really starts here, not at delivery. She is already mine and I am already hers. I will fight the good fight for her, always.