Everyday, I am fascinated and depressed of how fast the time from expecting my first baby and anticipating this life I have to now has gone.
That baby that once caused me a swollen belly and almost no relief of nausea, is now about to celebrate her 4th birthday. Each year at this time I can’t help but reflect on the quickly passing time.
Four years old. When I had a little babe, mothers of four-year-olds were legit! To me, four years old meant that you no longer had a baby or a toddler, you had a person. That person was very small, but still a person. I was pretty much right.
She can jump in the car by herself, tell me what she wants to eat, if she’s hurt or tired.
I find myself saying things like, “I can’t hold you baby, you’re too big!” As we walk around in malls and restaurants But the feelings of her being my baby haven’t changed at all. I still love when she comes into my bed at night, when she needs me and asks me for things. I still love when she needs me to soothe her. Not anyone else, just her mama.
She is still as cherished and precious to me as the day she was born.
Motherhood is such a marvel! I often find myself soothing soon-t0-be first time mothers nerves of what ifs and how’s. I have found there are no words in the English language (or any language that I’m aware of) that could possibly describe motherhood.
It is simply faith. Faith that you’ll know just what to do. Faith that you’ll come perfectly equipped for what that baby needs. Faith that you will absolutely and completely love and never, not even for a second, stop loving that child. No matter how old, how naughty, or how independent that child is. That love that you have for that newborn baby will last you the rest of your life. (And I believe even beyond that)
As Harlo turns a year old every year, I have to consciously fight the urge to be sad or depressed and to absolutely welcome another stage of her precious life. I know I will enjoy every last age I experience with her. Because after four years… I’m legit! I’m getting good at this faith in mothering stuff. 😉
So here’s to the tail-end of three! I have loved every minute of you in my home and I will hold you close to my heart forever. (And graciously look forward to you again next summer with Stella!)
Bring on that sweet number four.