As a photographer, blogger, small business owner, mother of two, wife of one, household-runner, meal cooker, errand-getter, social butterfly, I find that my schedule fills up rather quickly.
I am also a “yes” sayer to a fault. I never realized this was a quality about me until recently. God answers our prayers in such mysterious ways. He doesn’t always answer them in the way we would like, or would have thought He might do it. In this particular answer, He has shown me a fault within myself that I need to work on. I pray for more time with my family, He shows me that I need to make more time for my family. I pray to deeply understand the atonement, He gives me an opportunity to utilize it.
Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
This month, and in this season of my life, I am constantly fighting the urge to be too busy. This, after all, is the busy season. They say October/November for photographers is like April for accountants. I am constantly looking for balance in all aspects of my life. In this case, I am so grateful for the opportunity God has sent my way and for the wonderful clients I have had seek out my gifts, and I must trust in the Lord that He may show me how to balance my time wisely and still put my family first above anything else. I must have faith that I know when enough is enough, and have a clear mind to simply say, “no.”
Two nights ago, I lay awake with a session feed well over 7 sessions.. a number I almost never allow myself to pile up to, and a crazy heavy and overwhelmed heart. I am a sensitive girl and I have a hard time shaking my worries and letting them just be. After what seemed like hours of prayer, I slipped off into a dreamless and peaceful sleep. The next day, I found myself with a sick husband home from work, a disaster of a house, two little girls slipping in and out of their dress ups and remember that work load? Yeah, it was still very much there.
It’s times like these I think to myself, “people think I have it together?”. Just as I felt my anxiety (my ever-faithful companion) start to creep up and grab hold of my soul, I simply heard the urge, “get to work.” and work I did. Somehow, within the unbearably large load, I was able to get through it. I was able to successfully get two sessions edited and underway, design two projects I had promised, do the dishes, straighten the kitchen, nurse my husband to health, provide meals (okay, cafe rio did the providing.. I wont lie) and I still had time to rock Stella for her nap and sit with Harlo for a few minutes to chat. A day that should have been horrible and stressful and filled with anxiety simply wasn’t. It was both productive and fulfilling. Only by God’s sweet and amazing grace, I tell you. At the end of the day I was able to sit back in bed, enjoy myself some double dark chocolate gelato and prepare my talk for church.
When I doubt myself, I must remember my Lord never has. Not even for a minute.
I am being tried and tested right now and I feel that. I want to know my Father deeply and understand His will, and in these times of havoc and busyness, I do just that.
In General Conference this October, President Uchtdorf said,
Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.
I felt this message spoke directly to my soul. I have since vowed to not be too busy. Too busy to chat with my sisters on the phone. Too busy to invite my dad over for dinner. Too busy to answer emails or text messages from the people I love and care about. ‘Be grateful for the opportunities, but don’t get caught in the trap of being too busy’, my heart tells me. My own simple truth.
If you feel lead, you may read President Uchtdorf’s entire general conference speech, here. It was one of my favorites.
When I write on this blog about living purposefully and simply, I am in the thick of trying to work it out myself. I am right here with the rest of you, simply trying my best from day to day. I have not mastered the art of purposeful living and I’m not sure I ever will. But I will try. I will continue to cast my burdens on the Lord and pray that He is glorified in and through me.
This post is a bit heavier than my typical read, but I think it’s important to share my struggles as well as my triumphs here. This place is special to me and I want to celebrate all aspects of my life here. Even the ones that I struggle with.
At the end of the day, no matter how great or how hard it was, I know that I am blessed.
I am starting the #30daysofthanks project on instagram this month. This is such a soul-fulfilling project and I hope you’ll join in! Follow me on instagram: @cassmiller