The first week of the new year is behind us!
For the first time since I went online about a decade ago, I have taken some real time away from this online world. I have taken a lot of time to reflect, to heal, to look inside myself about why I share, why I feel the way I feel, why I believe what I believe. It’s been a hard thing to do, but the process of grief lead me here, and I’m grateful for all I’m learning. My hope is that when I feel more open to sharing, I can do so with intense purpose, and teach others what I have learned along the way.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel amazing to have a fresh start in 2019. I may have to push myself a bit to believe it, but I am showing up with that belief each day until it feels real.
Yesterday we were back to (home)school after our Christmas break. Harlo said after finishing math, before moving on to her morning chores, “It feels good to be back to our normal routine.” This comment made my effort to push forward toward Monday so worth it.
Today went with a little less push. I’ve just laid Major boy down, the kids have been fed soup and breadsticks for lunch (thank you pizza factory pick up), and the girls are currently reading poetry over a self-made tea party downstairs, as I write. Not everyday looks (and certainly doesn’t feel) so idyllic, but in these teeny tiny moments of peace, I feel I am winning the war.
My to-do list this afternoon is to finish up our language arts lesson with the older girls, switch out another load or two of laundry, and get ready for a night out with my husband… I’ve got to see Bohemian Rhapsody, already!
This is my life right now. It’s not perfect, but it’s the life I’m living to the very best of my ability.
We’ve seen so much change over the past year, and I think there’s probably more coming our way we can’t yet see. But all we really have is now, and this current moment for me is a beautiful, peaceful one. I am very grateful.
In 2019, I hope to uncover love and strength I didn’t know I had, and show others what they have within them as well. I’m not even sure how I’m going to do this, but it’s what I feel called to do in the quiet of the night. So I’ll put it out here to you, the universe, and God.
I’m ready for good things this new year, and I hope you are, too.
xoxo
C
