There was a time in my motherhood that I thought a lot about what I wanted to be when I grew up. A photographer, an artist, a dreamer, a doer, a traveler, a free spirit. A lot of these goals were attainable with one, and then two children. We started building a great life around the things we wanted to do.
When we started our family, it was with an unplanned pregnancy which was a welcome surprise. Then after just a short time, I had a nagging feeling something was missing. Someone was missing. It seemed crazy, but I knew it in my heart to be right to add on a little sister for our darling baby Harlo. Time has proven that to be the absolute perfect timing for our small family. I kept working away at my business endeavors and chasing my dreams, while Brady continued to do what he loved and build up his self-starter business. Years went by before we realized something might be missing.
We were faced with what we wanted in life adjusting and changing. We wanted more from life than we had built up over the years, and our family is what we wanted more of. We decided to take the plunge for the third baby, even though we knew some things would have to change. I reluctantly took time away from my busy dreams to be still and focus on my family (and myself) for a while. I wasn’t sure this was the right move, but I followed the nudge anyway. (And when I say “follow” I mean try to ignore it completely, reason out of it, and then have a bright neon sign pointing at me telling me to follow the nudge, before I actually “follow” it.)
An interesting thing happened as my life shifted from business to personal. From working woman to busy mother. I found that the more I became a mother, the more I wanted to be one. The less I chased the dreams I thought I wanted, the more my real dreams became apparent. The more fulfillment my soul had. The more clear my path became. The more whole my heart was. Believe you me, I was more surprised by this than anyone.
About the time I told myself I would start going back to work from my temporary baby leave, was the time I had that nagging feeling again. Someone was missing.
The one thing I have learned about my life, is that what I plan to be the best is not actually what is the best. I have learned to trust my instincts and follow that still small voice inside of me. God has the answers, and if we listen, he will speak clearly to guide our lives. I am grateful to see the progress I have made in following His will and I can see how my life has gotten happier and more peaceful since I have learned this.
Four kids might not be ideal for the masses, but I am so glad they are mine and part of my journey here in this life and beyond.
(these family pictures and our outfit details coming tomorrow!)