In 9 hours I will be dropping you off to your first day of kindergarten.
The memories of bringing you home from the hospital are still so fresh on my heart, I can smell them.
How did we get here?
How did all those days already go by?
I can still hear that first giggle and taste those pureed peas.
I can still feel your diapered bum fresh in jammies and the weight of your one year old head on my chest as you sleep.
I still know those first words, and the way you like to be tucked in.
I can still feel the frustration of potty training, and the relief of potty training.
The tantrums over nothing (everything) are still almost tangible to me.
Sweeping the crumbs off the floor, wiping the high chair trey, tubbing you in the sink.
My darling, it’s all so fresh it hurts.
The sick days, the exciting days, the new days, the same days, the first days, the last days, the holidays, the quiet days.
The days I had you at home, all to myself.
Where did they all go?
Tomorrow I will drop you off to your kindergarten classroom, in your big elementary school, across town from our home.
I will check my watch ever couple minutes, afraid to be late to pick you up.
I will wonder what you’re doing.
I will wonder if you’re happy, or if you’re sad or scared.
I will wonder if you remember to wash your hands after the bathroom.
I will wonder if you made a new friend.
I will wait to hear all about your first day from the back seat of my van on our way home.
Not so unlike that time I brought you home for the very first time, just those days ago.
I worried, and thought, and cared, and hoped, and loved you all the same, just those days ago.
On this day, I will promise to savor every single minute.
Because now I know what they mean when they say, “It really goes by so very very fast.”
To me you will always be that brand new baby swaddled tight in the carseat on that first ride home.
To me you will always be that one-year-old baby asleep on my chest.
To me you will always be that smart and spunky toddler.
To me you will always be my very first kindergartner.
And my darling, I will love you this much all the days.