As my girls birthdays start approaching (Miss Stella Johann will be 3 in just 2 weeks!) I start remembering in full details the time surrounding their births. I always reminisce about the sweet moments I had as a new mama to each of my babies, and also the things I wish terribly I would have known. Each of my girls were 100% different from conception on and I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way in raising each of them. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing bits of what I wish I would have known in pregnancy and beyond.
3 years ago right this very minute, I was having contractions regularly almost every day. They’d start each morning around 10 and go every 5-7 minutes until midnight. Each morning I would wake up more disappointed than the last that I was still pregnant.
I wanted to meet this baby oh so much! I wanted so much to birth her, to hold her in my arms, to nurse her, to snuggle into her newborn skin cozied up with the contentment only heaven could create. This was my second baby and I knew the sweetness so much I could taste it. I was so so ready and each day closer to my due date, I became impossibly more impatient. I was making myself absolutely crazy waiting. I wish I would have known she was staying put there for the next 2 weeks, but even more than that, I wish I would have known the beautiful work my soul was doing in this time. I was changed forever in these weeks of waiting – for the absolute better.
I had trusted in my body to carry this baby for 9 months, and trusted that my body could deliver her perfectly in our home. What I hadn’t considered is trusting my soul’s ability to grow beyond my circumstances. Being overdue was the hardest thing I have ever done, physically and emotionally. It was harder than my natural birth by a landslide. But in hindsight, it was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. It taught me something about love and patience and faith that nothing else could have. I wish I would have known that even when I felt like nothing was happening, so much was happening behind the scenes. I wish I would have known to enjoy those last few days of my pregnancy with that baby tucked so close inside. To savor that fleeting time, even when it doesn’t seem fleeting in the slightest.
Although I didn’t love it at the time, going overdue was one of my most cherished experiences I’ve had in this life so far. I hope that if I get to experience it again, I’ll appreciate it more while it’s happening.