(where I’ll be for the next few weeks if you need me)
I was telling Brady the other night, “We trade being stressed when we’re slow to being overwhelmed when we’re busy.”
Why is this? When we have slow months, we wish things would speed up so we could stress less about the future (finances, obligations, etc.) and then when things actually do speed up, all I wish it would do is slow down. I promise when things slow down, I’ll be a better mom and play with my kids more. I promise when things slow down, I’ll finally hang that box of frames sitting in the garage. I promise when things slow down, I’ll catch up on my texts/emails/phone calls, I tell myself.
Everything is also in January.
In January, I’ll paint this. In January, I’ll clean that. In January, I’ll set this up. And now it’s looking like January, my slow month, will be as busy as November and December have been.
One thing I’ve learned about life as a mother, is we cannot, for the life of us, try-as-we-might, slow it down. We just can’t. I promise, I try everyday.
The busy season is a blessing for me, but it also comes at a heavy cost. I do not have time to do everything I want to do. And specifically, the things I want to do with and for my children. I can’t quit for many reasons and I wouldn’t ever want to, but I do wish I could create more hours in the day, darn it.
I am challenging myself to stick to my schedule. I’ve done pretty well, but there have been days that I have spent too much time on the computer, and then I want to spend every minute I can with the girls and my meals don’t get cooked and my dishes don’t get done.
The balance people! Why do they not warn you about the impossibility to balance?
One thing I do know, that has helped me to sleep at night, is that I’m doing my best. My very, very best. It is all I can do. I still have to surrender to the things I want sometimes or the time I don’t have for something. I’ve had to sacrifice some things for an opportunity, but I’m learning so much in this process.
They say hindsight is 20/20, but I also believe that a lost opportunity is 20/20. Not having a lot of time for things has taught me exactly what I would like to be doing with my time. As soon as I’m done editing these sessions, I am going to dance party for an entire afternoon with my littles. As soon as my clients are caught up, I’m going to call all my friends back. As soon as the busy season is over, I’m going to bed early. And even though that doesn’t feel like a gift right now, because I can’t do everything I want to do right now, it will be.