Tonight I put you to bed after a long, noisey, eventful day. I get about three steps from the door before you start stirring in protest. I try to sneak away quietly and try to stay very calm so that you may pick up on it and calm down into sleep. A few minutes go by before the crying begins and I am forced to come to terms with the fact that my night is not quiteover. Your dad beats me to the door and I hear that you have a lot on your mind. Much you need to discuss. I let your father have his moment and the longing for you has already begun.
You latch to my body like it’s the most familiar thing you know. You rest your head on the familiar place above my breast, our first meeting place, and my favorite. I immediately want to put into words the feeling I feel, but no one could ever have this moment with you. No one is us and no one will ever know the complexity of our relationship.
I sit into our chair. We sit in silence for a few minutes, just the sound of my heart to your head and the slight scratching of your fingers caressing my skin. I strive to put this feeling into words. But no word could be worthy enough of this divine union. I think to myself how I hope you’ll have a baby some day, because only then could you understand what this means to me.
You sit in the quiet for as long as you can stand before you have to start our familiar banter. You make a grunt and a giggle and only I could ever know what you’re referring to. I respond in the way I know you’re hoping for and I feel your face change shapes and I know the exact expression you have without ever needing to look. I am reminded again how no one will ever know you the way I know you. How magnificently complex our relationship is. I think to my spirit how unbelievably blessed I am and the grand thought makes my quiet breath slip away.
Our conversation continues in your fluent tongue as you observe every mark on my chest. You’ve studied this place intently. You know every freckle, every wrinkle, every bone.
As it becomes apparent that our soiree is nearing it’s end. I pull you into my arms and you accept my offer. I lap around the living room, pausing slightly at the things only I could know you would want to observe. We easily slide into our nightly routine and even though he’s been in the other room, Daddy is already coming out for his affectionate good nights. I walk you to your room as we both whisper “shh, shh, shh…” to each other, and I realize you’re the only one who will ever share this familiar waltz with me.