sharing joy | welcoming Grae

I had a really unique and touching experience this week and it has inspired my outlook for this blog so much.

On Sunday, we went to someone else’s church to see off a friend on an LDS mission.  While we were there, I noticed a friend of mine who was fresh from having a baby.  We happened to be at her ward this week.  I waved as I bounced my restless baby in the back row and snuck a peek at her little newborn snuggled close to her.  Just as the meeting was coming to a close, I passed her again in the back and quickly whispered to her that I was glad to have seen her and asked how she was doing.  She told me she was doing great and before she hurried off to feed her babe, she mentioned that she was glad to have run into me because she wanted to thank me for allowing April to post my birth video.  She said that she had watched it just two days before giving birth to her own baby and that it really helped her and empowered her to walk into her own natural birth confidently.  Right as she spoke these words to me, my eyes began to fill with tears.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was so flattered, so honored, so grateful that we could have shared this beautiful experience together in some way.  I thanked her so much for telling me and as she walked away, the closing hymn began… “Because I have been given much, I too must give.”  One of my favorite hymns were such a clear and definite answer to my prayer.

My body trembled as tears streamed down my cheeks, holding my own little miracle babe, in whose birth I was changed miraculously and forever.  Because I have been given much, I too must give.  I thought.  And I haven’t been able to get the phrase out of my head since.

Here’s the thing,

I was blessed to have had a good friend video my birth with Grae and even though I have been so thrilled with the outcome of the video, I have felt a little too vulnerable to share it.  Because it’s a home birth, I’ve been worried about the criticism.  Because it’s me, I have worried about the judgement.  I have wondered truly where to draw the line with what I share and what I don’t share here.  As the number of followers I have has gone up, so has my anxiety and my walls to guard myself.  I think too much before I post things, and I’ve been waiting for some answers about this.  How much is too much? You know?

Because my videographer (April Davis) is a talented and dear, dear friend of mine and I am so proud of her work, I agreed to let her post it on her great lifestyle blog and decided to wait to post it on mine until I felt a little better about it.  Honestly, I’ve just been putting it on the back burner.  But when I ran into Andee, I knew that it was time to share it.  Because it is an important part of our story.  Because it changed me as a woman.  Because I am able to share the joy and love and beauty I’ve been blessed with and pray sincerely that it may bless someone else.

My favorite article of faith says this,
We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

So today, I am sharing with you one of the very best, most trying, incredible, painful, miraculous, soul-changing days of my life.

 

A huge thank you to April for being there to document this video, Errin Andrus for taking pictures, my darling doula and birth-assistant Trisha who has blessed my life, my marriage with Bradley classes and for being so comforting to me during the births of my girls.  To my sweet midwife Janae for being the best woman and midwife I have ever known – for teaching me how to be a woman and for sweetly helping me welcome my babies earth-side.  My gratitude has no words!

And to my love, Brady.  For being my partner in this life and my biggest supporter.  For loving me fully and completely and without hesitation.  For seeing our babies into this world with me and raising them along side me.  I love you.

 

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29 Responses to sharing joy | welcoming Grae

  1. April Davis January 20, 2015 at 1:10 pm #

    Crying. I’m crying. You are absolutely amazing and I’m so grateful I got to be there. This whole experience was incredible. You are a powerful inspiration for other women, and I’m so glad you posted this. Loves xoxo

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:52 pm #

      I will never EVER be able to repay you for this gift, April! Thank you so much for being such a special part of this for us. So much love! xoxo

  2. Kenzie January 20, 2015 at 1:55 pm #

    The most beautiful thing in the world!!! Thank you Cass for sharing, my heart feel alike it could explode with excitement right now. That was an amazing and gorgeous video!

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:53 pm #

      I’m so excited for you to experience this, Kenz! Thank you so much! xoxo

  3. Karynn January 20, 2015 at 2:18 pm #

    I am in love with this. Mothers should know about this – your story is important.

  4. Cristin January 20, 2015 at 3:01 pm #

    This was magnificent! Thank you for sharing!! Insta tears, and makes me so excited to meet my lil girl! #29weeks :) How blessed you are to have this all on film! AMAZING!!!!!!

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:54 pm #

      How exciting to be having a girl! The home stretch! Wishing you the best of luck with your upcoming delivery. Thank you for the love! xo

  5. Danielle January 20, 2015 at 3:23 pm #

    Perfection. This was one of the most beautiful birth videos I have seen (and I have seen a lot)
    I too have three little ladies. (7 almost 4 and 8 months) after reading your blog I had a strong desire to try natural with my last baby. But with being induced (she had a 2 vessel cord which they prefer to induce if so) I didn’t know if I would be able to stand it with pitocin. Well it all worked out and I was able to. It was the most amazing thing I have experienced and I am she glad i did. Your blog is so very inspiring and I look forward to each post. What a beautiful family you have. Thank you for sharing!

    (And ps now I want another baby!)

    -Dani

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:55 pm #

      Dani, thank you for that sweet, sweet comment. I am so flattered that my blog had any part to do with your birth. A natural birth with pitocin! What an accomplishment!
      Thank you for the kind words! So much love to you!

      xoxo

  6. candice January 20, 2015 at 5:07 pm #

    Oh my goodness that was the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. You are an incredibly strong woman & I thank you for sharing Grae’s birth story! There is something so incredibly about giving birth (I’d do it 10 more times if I could) but how special to welcome her into her new home. Wow mama! Much love to you and your sweet sweet family.

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:56 pm #

      Thanks so much, Candice! Isn’t birth the best? So incredible. Definitey was the icing on the cake to get to have her in our first very own house!
      xoxo

  7. hannahrose January 20, 2015 at 5:28 pm #

    i’m due in august and this is the first birth-related thing that has me just DYING (in the best way!!) i am going natural and this was just the most amazing thing i’ve ever seen. you’re such an amazing example and your kids are the cutest. thank you for sharing!!!

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:57 pm #

      I’m so excited for you, Hannah! Congrats! Can’t wait for you to experience this miracle. :) Thanks for the love!

  8. Mikell January 20, 2015 at 5:47 pm #

    Oh my gosh. I needed this so much today. Thanks for giving me a last minute little boost of confidence

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:58 pm #

      You’re so sweet, I love you so much! Cannot wait for Baby Sienna to come and for you to experience this joy. You have the best heart and I can’t wait to watch you turn into a mama. You’ll be the best!
      Love you, sister! xoxo

  9. Tisse January 20, 2015 at 6:10 pm #

    You have the most loveliest of souls, Cass! What a gift your giving by sharing this piece of yourself. I have so much love and admiration for you, beautiful friend <3

    • Cass Miller January 20, 2015 at 7:59 pm #

      So much love to you, Sister! Could not be happier that our paths have crossed. My serious twin soul! xoxo

  10. Leah January 20, 2015 at 9:15 pm #

    Tears… So beautiful!! Thank you for sharing!! xo

  11. Dani January 20, 2015 at 9:50 pm #

    This was so beautiful! Thank you for posting. I’m due with my third in about 6 weeks, and for some reason I am really nervous about the delivery, more then my first two! I loved watching this all unfold and to see you holding grae for the first time is reminding me how worth it it all is!

    • Cass Miller January 23, 2015 at 10:29 pm #

      Such a sweet time, Dani! I feel like I had a lot of labor nerves my third time. You’d think by then we’re old pros, but each birth seems new in it’s own way, I guess. Good luck with your upcoming delivery! Congrats!

  12. Lydia January 21, 2015 at 4:05 pm #

    That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I loved how it was you telling the story as the video played. I am due to have my first Homebirth baby in a couple of weeks and this was so inspiring! I got an epidural last minute with my first child so I don’t feel like I’ve truly experienced birth yet. I’m nervous but excited!

    • Cass Miller January 23, 2015 at 10:28 pm #

      What an exciting time, Lydia! I can so relate to having my first natural birth feel like my first time all over again! Good luck to you on your upcoming delivery! I would love to know how your homebirth goes! Sending lots of love your way!

  13. Alexa R January 22, 2015 at 3:09 pm #

    This was an absolutely beautiful video. I love reading birth stories, so to witness Grae’s birth video (so priceless!), and to read about Harlo’s was so very amazing! I don’t have children yet, but I am so encouraged by you and this sweet blog of yours! You are an amazing woman! I hope to be such a loving and understanding mother as you one day. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Cass Miller January 23, 2015 at 10:27 pm #

      Seriously, Alexa. Thank you so much! That is such a nice thing to say. I can only hope I’m as loving and understanding as you think. :) xoxo

  14. Chelsi January 22, 2015 at 3:33 pm #

    This was such an amazing video!!! What an amazing gift to show us all your amazing birth story. I never expect this to be so raw and emotional!

    • Cass Miller January 23, 2015 at 10:30 pm #

      You’re sweet, Chelsi. Thank you for the love. xoxo

  15. Donna January 23, 2015 at 2:18 pm #

    My babies are 32, 30 and 26 and I did have them all totally “natural” in the hospital with absolutely no drugs of any kind but oh how I wish that homebirth (and water births) had been an option back then. I definitely feel like it is something that I could have done. I’m now 59 and their births are as vivid to me now as they were then. Maybe because I birthed my babies with a clear mind and worked to bring them into the world. I don’t deny any medical intervention it needed, but I truly believe natural is the way to go. Thank you for sharing. My daughter in law is due in about 6 weeks (I already have 4 other grandchildren all born naturally but in a hospital). I think I will share the video with her.

    • Cass Miller January 23, 2015 at 10:33 pm #

      Thanks for sharing that with me, Donna! I love hearing that perspective of motherhood. How sweet to now be seeing grandchildren into the world. I agree that we are so lucky to live in the days of modern medical intervention, but there is just something about experiencing what our bodies have been experiencing since the beginning of time that is so empowering and beautiful. I’m very grateful I was able to experience natural birth. :) Wishing you the best with your new grand baby!

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