My house is quiet and kidless (besides that napping baby) for the first time in nearly two weeks. This may be the first time I’ve been by myself with my own thoughts for as long.
Sometimes I think of the constant and endless strain on me as a mother, and sometimes that overwhelm nearly swallows me up. I felt that way yesterday afternoon. That I didn’t have one more ounce of myself to give, but still hours left in the day to do so. I found myself finding patience the next time Grae asked for her 2,304th request of the day, I graciously gave to her what she asked even though I didn’t feel like I could.
I find this place in motherhood often, where God’s grace sustains me further than my imperfect human body can go. When I feel like shouting at the kids to leave me alone, but instead sigh and say “What baby? Another snack? You bet.” walking my tired body back to the pantry and delivering the smallest detail of the world to one of my children.
“I love you, mom. You’re the best.” Grae says back.
Fills me up and readies me for the next task motherhood will toss my way.
As a mother, I take my days in sections, the morning time, lunch and afternoon section, the bewitching hour (that seems to last the majority of the day even though it is only found between 4-6pm), and finally, dinner and bedtime.
In tougher circumstances, like when my babies are learning to sleep by themselves, or the post partum depression is raging, or the day took a turn for the crazy.. I even take them minute by minute to get me through. So far I’ve had a 100% chance of making it.
Motherhood for me has been the biggest example of God’s loving grace, motherhood is basically “God’s grace for dummies“. I’ve always noticed His grace, and perhaps taken it for granted. But it’s been on my mind, and I seem to have found a whole lot of it lately.
I am so grateful that the days or years or minutes I fall short, God is there to pull me through the rest. I know this is true for every person willing to accept, and learn it. People can be tricky, and thoughtless, and mean, and careless, and certainly imperfect. But God never is. God is constant, and good, and on my (and your) side. Do you know that? I mean really, really know it?
I hope you do, too.