Tag Archives | pregnancy

Tag Archives | pregnancy

9 months in, 9 months out

My sweet Major has officially been in my arms as long as he was in my belly.
I remember when this original picture was taken, on my due date, 9 months ago.
My tail bone was sore, my ribs were wrecked, my stomach was stretched so far.
I told Brady that night, “I wonder if this is your big strapping son in here and that’s why I’m so uncomfortable.” (it was)
I remember so clearly the feelings of anticipation as I was about to give birth and see what that sweet little bundle would be – boy or girl.
I had visions of what our family dynamic would look like, and change, and all the bittersweet-ness that comes in those last days of pregnancy.
But nothing at all could have prepared me for the love that was headed our way.
These 9 months have been some of my very happiest.
Major brought contentment to our family.
And maybe he wont be the last, and maybe he will.
One thing is for sure though, he’d be a great note to end on.

So very glad that big ol’ belly brought me my sweet little honey man.
Worth every single popped-out rib, ten fold!


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Major’s Birth | Part 3

As soon as he was out, the girls hopped down off the bed to either side of me.  Their little hands quickly grabbing hold of his, feeling his head, his back.  I couldn’t think of a time I had ever been more happy or fulfilled.

Harlo looked at him, “You’re right, mom.  He looks like a Major.”  Major is the name I had loved for a boy, but Harlo hadn’t been so sure until she saw him.  “Can we name him Major?” she asked.  My girls sat at my side as I delivered the placenta.  “Look girls!” I said “That’s where the baby lived while he was in my belly. That’s where he got all his nutrients to grow.” Janae held up the placenta and bag attached for the girls to check out.  Easily the coolest science project I’ll ever be able to show them.

I held him while we all oo’d and aww’d over his sweet little face, his too-big-for-his-body hands, his long feet and toes.  We were all completely smitten.  We giggled about how he looked exactly like Stella, and I told the girls about their own births and how they were the same and different from this one.

The girls helped Brady cut the cord while we all marveled in the miracle of life.  We snuggled into my bed in the wee hours of the morning and let the feeling of heaven opening right up for our family soak in.  Our boy was here, and life was all but perfect.

Mr. Miller has a son!


After Thoughts:

 My son’s birth was one of the sweetest experiences in my life.  Having my girls there to witness this miracle will go down as my favorite moment with them.  Their precious little spirits were so calming to me as I worked hard to delivery their brother.  Stella humming alongside me kept me focused and comforted, and it helped me accomplish my goal of bringing this baby into a calm, loving space.  Harlo’s excitement and wonder was just the most precious thing.  They weren’t nervous or worried, they were calm and thrilled.  There was never a single moment I wished they weren’t there.  They know me so well, and knew just how to help me in ways that no one else could have.  They are still talking about this experience even two months later.  They loved being a part of this, they were so mature and handled themselves so well.  What a sweet bonding experience it was for them and I.  My precious big girls!  Heaven sent.

This birth was my third natural home birth.  It surprises me each time how different my birth experiences can be.  Major’s labor was as sweet as they come, but he really made me work for every last bit.  I overcame physical limits I had never had to before.  Pushing out that strapping son of mine was hard work.  So hard, that I was certain he would be at least 9 lbs.. maybe 10.  I was only slightly disappointed when he was 7.13 – not even my biggest baby.  Ha! Major’s birth story will be my favorite labor, and my toughest delivery.  But worth every last drop, times one million.  Would I do it all over again?  Absolutely.  If I have another baby, would I do a natural home birth again?  For me, it’s the only way.  My babies have the absolute best of care and love as they come into this world.  My birth team, especially my midwife, is the best there is.  Janae loves my babies fiercely  – she handles them as they’re her very own.  She has supported me in some of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make, and has walked with me as I have found myself and settled into my own slice of motherhood.  Every pregnant mother deserves a Janae.  She is invaluable to me, and I know she was divinely placed in my life.

A few weeks before I delivered, I wondered if not finding out the gender was the right choice.  I felt myself being worried about the possibility of having a boy.  Two weeks before my due date, I asked Brady, “Should we just go get an ultrasound?” Ha!  I will tell you that that moment of finding out what our baby was – all together in that special way – was the most thrilling experience.  There was no room for worry or disappointment, and I’m so glad I got to experience that.  I have never experienced anything sweeter than that moment with my family.  If we have any more babies, there is no way we would find out ever again.  That surprise was just too too good.  What a wonderful welcome!

Major came into my life exactly when he was supposed to.  I know that more than ever.  He brought with him such peace, joy, healing, and faith restored.  Since he arrived, there has been an abundance of happiness in our home.  He is exactly what our family was waiting for.  Simply put, this boy is everything we never knew we needed.


Janae’s Website HERE

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major’s birth story | part 1

During my pregnancy, I had it in my mind that I would at least make it to my due date.  I have found being mentally prepared for going overdue has helped in the past, so I didn’t let my mind think about the possibility of going early.

Just like I had predicted, I woke up on my due date, still very very pregnant.  This pregnancy had been quite an uncomfortable one – I was carrying this one straight out in front which was wreaking havoc on my back, ribs, and hips.  I had sciatica pain, and horrible rib pain.  I had tried to be patient, but I couldn’t deny that I was absolutely miserable – and huge – at this point.  I was getting little to no sleep at all, and prodromal labor had started like it does for me.  Contractions picking up and getting consistent just long enough for me to get my hopes up before they would die off again.  This mind game mixed with my physical misery had begun to feel like torture.  I had my midwife’s appointment that day and didn’t bother getting checked for dilation.. I knew I would be way too disappointed if I wasn’t progressing and I didn’t want to add that to my plate of misery.

The next day, Mr. Miller took me out on a date – our usual weekly occasion.  We went to one of our favorites and had a delicious meal hoping it would be my last pregnant meal.  Brady was so sweet to me that night and helped me hobble across the street to the car while my sciatic nerve was flaring up.  He took me for a drink and then for a drive, which is one of my favorite things to do.  We talked about how crazy we were for not finding out what we were having and the possibilities for each.  We chatted about some final name ideas – Major or Harris for a boy and we were still between a few for girls.. Luca, Arden and Ever.  We talked about how crazy and amazing it was to be having our fourth baby and I wondered if we would have more, or if this would be my last.  It was just the kind of night I needed to lift my spirits and get me through the next few days.  

That night I had quite a bit of contractions starting at midnight and lasting til about 3:30, and sadly, I dozed off and woke up again still pregnant at 6.  I woke up on Thursday feeling like I would certainly be pregnant forever.  My friend had recently gone 19 days overdue, and I got depressed at that mere possibility.

By Friday, I decided I would not be leaving my house again.  I stayed in comfy clothes, tidied up my house, ordered pizza for supper and arranged a family movie night.  I had some contractions start around dinner, but that was typical for this time of night.  My dad text me to ask if I could help him with something or other on the computer and I text back and said “not tonight, dad, I’m going to stay home and hope labor starts and I don’t want anyone over.” ha! He’s a good man, and text me back “Totally get it! Good luck!” I sat on my birth ball through the movie and welcomed each and every contraction that came.  My girls were cuddled up to Brady on the couch and my heart was overwhelmed with love for my little growing family.  It was a perfect night to have a baby, I thought, but even if I didn’t, I was still the luckiest mama in the world.



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I’m going to have four kids soon.


Soon, I am going to have this baby.  Not too soon? Maybe way soon? It feels like that right about now.  For some reason, I feel compelled to take a photo of my belly every single day and document exactly the feelings in my heart right now.  My mind and heart are BURSTING with feelings and thoughts and I know the minute this baby is born, all of it will fizzle out into hormonal tears and I wont recall a bit of this week – maybe my last week of pregnancy.  That is a weird thing about having a baby.

The idea of having another baby in the house on the surface feels a little overwhelming, but I know that with each baby comes this capability in myself as a mother.  I may feel maxed out right now, but as soon as that new little person gets here, I will have room in my heart, room in our family, room in our life for it.  It is a special amount of room that has been pre-carved just for this baby, and once I discover it, I’ll never know how he/she wasn’t here the whole time.  But I believe this little being really was etched in my soul the whole time.  And the closer I get to meeting him/her in person, the more familiar that little spirit is feeling to me.  I get little glimmers of familiarity, that sometimes I almost feel like it’s missing because it’s not here yet.  It’s a special place to be.  I always forget about this phase until I’m here again and I remember feeling this way about each of my little souls before they came into the world.

Yesterday I finished up the last of all the things I needed in preparation for this baby.  The laundry is done and folded (thank you so much, Cher!) the cradle is set up, the newborn diapers are unboxed… Each time I see that little cradle in the corner of my room I feel like my heart is going to swell out of my chest.  Last night I noticed Stella had placed a few books on the window sill next to the baby’s bed, and placed a few small toys and a fresh blanket in the cradle.  We are all so happy to be adding this baby to our family.  I hope that wherever it’s little spirit is right now, it can feel the love we already have for it.

This week I feel a sense of contentment that I haven’t felt in quite some time.  I have felt capable, and strong, and fulfilled, and happy.  I have craved contentment for months and this week it has seemed to wrap around me like a favorite blanket.  The stress of life has calmed down some, my emotions seem to be in a good place this week.  It is calm here and I hope to keep it that way for as long as I am able.  I also feel God so close to me this week, which has blessed my life and my heart deeply.  I feel like I’m getting answers to overdue prayers, and I have this clarity and peace that only comes with the spirit filling my heart.

In our travels and encounters over the duration of this pregnancy, we have had a lot of comments on “Four?!” kids.  There was a time these comments would have made me feel uneasy and insecure, but thankfully I am in a chapter in life that feels like this life was made just for me – I know it was, actually.  And the idea of having four of my very own children filling the walls of my home- almost to the point of overflowing makes me happier than anything else could.  I am going to have four kids soon and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

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