Tag Archives | live happy

Tag Archives | live happy

Home Again

Let me tell you that nothing feels as good as coming home from nearly 6 days away.

I missed my babies like the desert misses the rain.  I even may have had Brady check to see if we could move our flights just a day or two earlier.

But in the end, I was brave, and so were they. (They actually had so much fun without me, Harlo admitted she didn’t even miss me that much!)

I DID talk Mr. Miller into driving the last leg of our layover to get home 3 hours earlier than we would otherwise – so I could kiss my four children and rock my baby to bed.

He agreed.

We rented him a convertible Camaro because it was Father’s Day, and we drove through the Arizona dessert to our cozy little home, where the hot terrain kisses the beautiful red mountains.

I loved every minute I had with Mr. Miller ALL TO MYSELF for more days that we’ve had together in ten years, but I’ve also loved every minute of being back at home in the life we’ve built together.

There is so much good sprinkled in to every bit of our lives when we sit back and really see it.  Time away always brings that perspective right to the surface. ♥

The girls thought it would be SO FUN to go to starbucks in a convertible, so early the next morning before we had to give it back, we made it happen! (It was pretty fun!)

Mercy me, it’s good to be back!

 

 

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marathon week

I feel like I know exactly what it’s like to run a marathon now after having 3/4 in their last week of school.  Two field trips, two major projects due, 2nd grade exhibit, hip hop performance, 2nd grade program, preschool graduation… all in the last week and a half. Thursday is the last day and I am feeling like I’m on 26/26.2.

Only a little while to cross the finish line to freeeeedommmm!

Planning on doing a whole lot of this in the coming months:

-girls cute new bikes here and here

Also! Alsooo! Did I mention we had plans to do the exterior of our new house? Ya know, it wouldn’t be ours until we really made it ours, right?  So we started that this week!  I can hardly even wait to see it all finished.

Follow me on instagram to watch it unfold live.

Prayers we all make it to the finish line!

Be back with house updates soon!!

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grace

It’s 1:18pm.

My house is quiet and kidless (besides that napping baby) for the first time in nearly two weeks.  This may be the first time I’ve been by myself with my own thoughts for as long.

Sometimes I think of the constant and endless strain on me as a mother, and sometimes that overwhelm nearly swallows me up.  I felt that way yesterday afternoon.  That I didn’t have one more ounce of myself to give, but still hours left in the day to do so.  I found myself finding patience the next time Grae asked for her 2,304th request of the day, I graciously gave to her what she asked even though I didn’t feel like I could.

 Grace.

I find this place in motherhood often, where God’s grace sustains me further than my imperfect human body can go.  When I feel like shouting at the kids to leave me alone, but instead sigh and say “What baby? Another snack?  You bet.” walking my tired body back to the pantry and delivering the smallest detail of the world to one of my children.

“I love you, mom. You’re the best.” Grae says back.

Grace.

Fills me up and readies me for the next task motherhood will toss my way.

Grace.

As a mother, I take my days in sections, the morning time, lunch and afternoon section, the bewitching hour (that seems to last the majority of the day even though it is only found between 4-6pm), and finally, dinner and bedtime.

In tougher circumstances, like when my babies are learning to sleep by themselves, or the post partum depression is raging, or the day took a turn for the crazy.. I even take them minute by minute to get me through.  So far I’ve had a 100% chance of making it.

Grace.

Motherhood for me has been the biggest example of God’s loving grace, motherhood is basically “God’s grace for dummies“.  I’ve always noticed His grace, and perhaps taken it for granted.  But it’s been on my mind, and I seem to have found a whole lot of it lately.

I am so grateful that the days or years or minutes I fall short, God is there to pull me through the rest.  I know this is true for every person willing to accept, and learn it.  People can be tricky, and thoughtless, and mean, and careless, and certainly imperfect.  But God never is.  God is constant, and good, and on my (and your) side.  Do you know that?  I mean really, really know it?

I do.

I hope you do, too.

 

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on doing hard things

I have felt reluctant to write, or talk much these past few weeks.  I am typically so focused on joy and all the many many good things life offers, and so it’s been strange and unsettling walking through such a dark time when joy and good feelings seem so far away.

But I am also learning and changing so quickly, I’m afraid if I don’t find the words now, they may escape me later when my heart is feeling lighter and more full of hope, and love, and goodness   .  My heart is still very much full of those things, but with the heaviness of grief poured over it.

This has been a time of deep reflection for me.  As much as I want to escape myself and what I’m feeling, the only way through that is to look deep down and be brave enough to feel all of the feelings, let them wash over me and let the light bring me back to my feet, time after time after time.  Get used to that pattern, and let it teach me and better me each passing time.

I am feeling lost and almost unrecognizable to myself as I walk through this grief, but I’ve also been able to extend myself love and grace to BE whatever I need to be in this time – easier than any other time.

A dear friend, who is farther down a similar path I’ve just started on, recently wrote me.  She said, “You will be met with darkness you couldn’t have ever imagined.. and the light will be equal in radiance to balance and overcome that darkness in every way.  I PROMISE YOU.”

Her words rang so true to me, because I have already experienced that.  This place of sorrow that must only closely resemble the feelings of hell; right there was God, also.  Literally holding me in His steady embrace.  Knowing the feelings I was having were too much to bear, and holding onto what I myself couldn’t.  I have felt the power of angels, on both sides of the veil, doing the Lord’s good and loving work in my  life.  I have been lifted — actually lifted by prayer, soothed by loving words, carried through by endless amounts of service – big and small.  I have seen how it works now, and that we all, at every single second, can be used for God’s greatest good.  What a beautiful new way I am seeing the world, through the shady glasses of my own despairing grief.  This world is beautiful, and our pain is used for our good and His glory.

I am writing to you from a place where I am unsure if I CAN DO HARD THINGS, but here I am being called to DO HARD THINGS anyway.  I pray that I can cling to faith, and pull through this gracefully.  Coming out the other side more whole and full of His love and light than ever before.

 

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