Life lately is waking up to get kids off for school – oops! Late again… scolding myself on the way dropping off, “you should be more responsible!” “Being on time is mostly up to you!” “Set a freaking alarm, for crying out loud. You are a 28 year old woman!” and then pep talking myself the whole way home, “You are doing the best you can.” “A few minutes late does not make you a terrible mother.” “We all have our strengths – your kids are not questioning your love for them today.” Woooo… being a full time mama is an emotional roller coaster.
It’s coming home to freshly awake and groggy toddlers in my kitchen. It’s snuggling while he drinks his “baba”, and tickling her back under her nightgown. It’s changing diapers and changing clothes – SOOOO many clothes, I did not realize motherhood would basically be changing kids, finding shoes, and doing laundry. That makes up the majority, bless my ever loving heart.
It’s being in the moment whenever possible. How fleeting I see these days passing now. Harlo is closer to being a teenager than a baby now, my goodness how quickly that passed. I thrive on going for walks with my babies in the stroller, dog to my side. I can take in my days and process my life in such a quiet, happy way. My stroller has had a broken front tire for two weeks now and I am feeeeeling it physically, but mentally as well. I have come to rely on those moments of groundedness in my day. Time seems a little slower on my walks. Prioritizing those times for myself is necessary.
It’s taking a second for myself while the baby naps – the longer into this motherhood journey I venture, the less time for myself I find. Balancing work, house work, relationships, downtime is becoming nearly impossible, but I’m embracing the way they crash all together at once, I guess. Swirling around me in a beautiful string of life. Realizing that life rolls in seasons, and what doesn’t make the cut this season can have some time in the next.
It’s sitting on the porch as the sun tucks behind our house, squealing with the babies when the bus rounds our corner. Hearing all the things while I figure out supper, and sitting with a full heart at the dinner table with my entire family of six. Finding more of myself as one of “the moms” and being completely content with whatever that means. This is a good and bustling season.
Life lately has been relying completely on faith. We have made some big decisions this year, and as we have prayerfully prepared for each one, we have felt guided and peaceful about the ones we’ve made, even when we’ve felt torn. Grateful to be celebrating 10 years in faith this month. What a decade it’s been. My heart is overflowing recounting how my life has changed as I’ve built a relationship with God. Asking for grace, extending myself grace, and finding all the grace I can spread around the family, because the Good Lord knows we need it. Where we fall short, there His Grace will be.
Good to be back, dear friends. I love coming back here after some time away. It’s like slipping on my favorite pair of jeans after being pregnant for 9 months. ;)
Feels good to be back!